November 21

Failing School Depression

Failing school is one of the main factors for a student to get depressed especially if it is the first year for the student to fail, it might make him feel as following:-

• Shocked

• Unfocused

• Uneasy

• Indifferent

• Ashamed

• Afraid

• Anxious

• Unstuck

Failing school depression definition is the feeling that you must continue school although you feel you don’t want to, deep inside you.

You keep asking yourself one or more of the following questions:-

• Why should I keep going in school?

• Why do people consider failure as bad?

• How can I move on in school the fastest way possible?

• What is really education?

Students who have failing school depression are divided to 3 parts as following:-

1. Students who persist to continue school successfully

2. Students who insist in dropping out

3. Students who are perforce to continue school due to circumstance which more powerful than them

I was from the third category, so let me tell you my story about failing school depression.

I was once a student who got high grades in all my school years, teachers considered me to be an excellent student, my family was happy with my achievement and my friends were curious about the ways I got high grades at school.

I had a big vision to graduate from engineering college because my dad always dreamt to see me an engineer as he always dreamt to graduate from it but he was graduated from another college that he didn’t like.

I was happy with my achievement by getting high grades in school along with my family, and I succeeded in joining engineering college and to fulfil my dream.

My first year at engineering was great too and I got excellent grades in it among 1500 student which made me join one of the highest department in engineering which is communication engineering.

I was happy with my achievement but there was a problem, I didn’t know what to do next as I almost fulfilled all my traditional education goals, not only this, I overachieve it by joining communication engineering, I had a problem that I can’t see any future vision to pursue and my feelings of overachieving made me feel that I don’t need to achieve anything more and from here I lost motivation to study any further.

I started acquiring beliefs like “I can pass without studying too much and depend on others to help me”, such belief made me hard to understand what is said in the lecture, study less and get low marks along the way to the final exams.

I neglected to study and final exams were coming closer until I started my final exams.

After completing my final exams, I didn’t know what I did in them, but all I was convinced about was that I will sure pass exams without any problems because I never had any problems passing any previous school year, the grades were published and the most shocking truth was accompanied, I failed in this year with four subjects to repeat.

At first I didn’t know what failure mean? Is this hallucinations? Is there another chance to adjust my grades? Did this mean, harshly, to repeat the year without any mercy? I was doomed!

My failing school depression started to crawl beneath my skill, I felt many feelings which are:-

• Is failure really happened to me? (Shocked)

• What should I do to succeed in the next year? (Unfocused)

• How can I talk about my achievements in future? (Unease)

• It is normal to repeat a year at college (indifferent)

• What should I say to my family? (Ashamed)

• What if I didn’t succeed the next year? (Afraid)

• What will my dad do to me? (Afraid)

• I am a failure. (Unstuck)

All these feelings made me feel depressed and I have no other chance except to continue my college because of many reasons which are:-

• I don’t know what my future will look like if I am not graduated from engineering college.

• My dad want me to graduate from engineering.

• I have – what others believes – a blessing in my hand that I should nurture.

All of these confusing feeling were accompanied by:-

• Anger

• Disappointment

• Deep sorrow

• Fear

I was depressed and all what I knew that I want to graduate from college with the least loss and the fastest way possible.

My depression kept going with me after that, I started searching for some relief for my case, I didn’t find it in:-

• Drugs

• Different creed

• Other religious beliefs

• Different kinds of music

• Unhealthy relationships

All that I was used to do is to feel angry to everything around me and that I needed to control everything because I also blamed everything to be the reasons for my failure.

I used to:-

• Shout angrily

• Feel lonely

• Socialize less

• Fear confrontation

• Understand anything in a distorted way

• Sleep less

• Eat less

• Care about my hygiene less

It never changed until I changed myself by strongly changing my old beliefs, this was with the help of other people that I asked, and still asking help from them in different aspects of my life.

Asking for help in different situations from people who have similar situation is a way of learning in life, I strongly believe in the twelve steps program.

Learning is your life challenge that can be done by:-

1. Asking for help

2. Having a mentor

3. Praying your higher power to self-change

4. Accepting that you are powerless to change your thoughts, emotions and feelings

5. Don’t do what brings you resentment

6. Accepting that you are powerless to change people

7. Talking about what goes in your mind

8. Reading

At the end you have to search for help if you want to get help, reading this article is one of what you should do, but don’t forget that there are 7 more parts to do to help you with your failing school depression, feel free to join groups that you like and asking for help in them so that you can get help.